I Lost My Brother to Brain Cancer 7 Years Ago, So I Tried the Grief Support Group The Dinner Party

I struggled with depression and sleeplessness, and I felt an urge to talk more about my brother, my loss, and what it has been like without him — but not just with my friends and family. While my friends are always happy to listen, I wanted to connect with people who could better relate to my experience, so I signed up for The Dinner Party, an online grief support group for adults my age (I am 35, and this group is for ages 21 to 45) who are grieving the death of a loved one, such as a parent, sibling, partner, child, or close friend.

Sign-up for The Dinner Party is very simple. First I created my account, which involved sharing my name, email, location, and date of birth, then agreeing to the company’s terms and conditions and community standards (agreeing to allow others to talk in group, communicating respectfully, and keeping confidential anything shared within the group).

Once I created my account, I could browse the “Tables” (i.e., groups) open to new members. Some are online; others are in-person meetups at a host’s home or a café or restaurant, though these in-person groups are limited to a handful of locations, including New York, Denver, Austin, Texas, and Bozeman, Montana.

Many of the groups are known as “Affinity Tables,” which means the members of the groups share a specific type of loss or identity in common. The Affinity Tables offered when I tested the service included:

• Life after suicide loss
• Navigating grief and masculinity
• Brain cancer loss
• Estranged parent death
• Two parental figures’ loss
• Queer folks’ issues

The Dinner Table also offers more general grief support groups, which I chose because the general group meeting times worked better with my schedule.

The Dinner Table asks new members to “request a seat” at a Table instead of simply signing up for a spot, perhaps to give the experience a more personalized feel. While signing up for my seat, the platform asked me to provide more information about myself and my loss, including who I lost, how long it had been, and what happened. After submitting my response the next day, The Dinner Table sent me a confirmation email letting me know they had secured my spot at the Table.

The support group I joined met monthly for 90 minutes.

Before the session started, we reviewed the group’s agreements and promised one another we would respect other members and share what we were going through while giving others the space to do so, too.

After reviewing those group guidelines, the peer host led us through introductions. They introduced themselves first and told us that they were an original member of The Dinner Table who later trained to become a peer host. Peer hosts are not licensed therapists or counselors; rather, they are fellow grievers like me.

Our host asked us questions to guide the conversation. These questions included details about our loss, the person we lost, our day, and what we hoped to gain from joining the group. I talked about my brother and how we hadn’t been close during my early 20s but had reconnected during his long illness. I talked about how the grief of losing him has felt more intense lately than it has in a couple of years. I said I was mainly looking for a space to process my resurgence of grief and to connect with other adults who were also grieving a loss. After introductions, the host encouraged us to use the time left to discuss how we were doing and if we had any specific needs the group could support.

While the group was 90 minutes long — and well-managed — I felt the group session was a little too brief for the number of people in attendance. One person who had recently experienced a loss took up most of the meeting time because they needed extra encouragement and support. Still, I couldn’t help but be impressed by the generosity of everyone in the group. All of the attendees were open about their own experiences and incredibly empathetic and supportive, particularly to this one member struggling with how fresh their loss was. I think it is too soon to say if my symptoms have improved because of this support group, but I did feel less alone afterward. I appreciated sharing a little about my brother and how I have been feeling lately.

By the end of the session, our host asked if we would like to change the frequency of our meetings, especially since there were so many new members with recent losses. So we decided to switch to a bimonthly meeting.

After joining the Table, The Dinner Party automatically considered me a recurring member of my chosen group, and I started to receive group emails about upcoming meetups. Should I want to leave my Table, I’ll have to email the host and let them know it wasn’t a good fit and ask to be removed. I decided to stay because I wanted more time to decide if the group was a good fit for me.

Keep in mind that The Dinner Table bills once a month, and there is no refund if you don’t like your group. You’ll also need to cancel your membership before your billing date after leaving your Table to stop being charged. You must go to your profile, edit your membership, and click “cancel.”

The Dinner Party is the first online grief support I have personally tested. Still, its format is not all that different from other virtual support groups I researched, except that it caters to a much more specific age group — people ages 21 to 45. In contrast, other grief groups, such as GriefShare, griefHaven, and Grief in Common, have no target demographic (though much of their marketing materials feature older adults). Mindful Care, an online therapy platform with multiple support groups, is similar to The Dinner Party in that it offers grief groups. However, unlike The Dinner Party, a therapist leads the group instead of a peer host. The Dinner Party stands out because it also focuses on LGBTQIA+ issues, offering Affinity Tables specifically for LGBTQIA+ members and using inclusive language throughout the sign-up process.

Circles is another comparable online group therapy platform that does not cater to grief. Instead, it focuses on a different type of loss — divorce, for example — as well as narcissistic relationship recovery.

Of all the groups, The Dinner Party is one of the more affordable options, charging only $5 a month. Grief in Common and Mindful Care charge $25 for each group session, while GriefShare costs $0 to $25 for a support group. Meanwhile, the monthly membership cost at Circles starts at $29.

Support groups aren’t the only solution to dealing with the loss of a loved one. If you want more personalized care, online therapy platforms like Innerwell, Brightside, and Talkspace offer one-on-one online therapy to help you with your grief.

The Dinner Party was my first experience with an online grief support group, and I plan to continue attending for at least a few months before I decide for sure if it is a good fit for me. Based on my experience, I recommend it to anyone between the ages of 21 and 45 who is grieving the loss of a loved one. During the meetup I attended, I felt comforted by how hard the host worked to create a safe and inclusive space that made room for people with all types of grief experiences. For instance, having lost my sibling some time ago, I didn’t feel out of place or like I didn’t belong, even though many of the other members lost someone more recently.

Additionally, The Dinner Party shines in creating an inclusive space for all of its participants, specifically those in the LGBTQIA+ community and individuals with disabilities.

While there were no in-person meetups in my city, I would love it if someone started hosting them in the future: I think being in the same room as people cultivates more community connection than simply meeting online. If you are a young adult living in one of the cities where in-person Tables are offered, I’d recommend you take advantage of that opportunity.

My only complaint about The Dinner Party is the limited number of available groups and meeting times, which may make it difficult for someone with a busy schedule to find a group that works for them. There is room for The Dinner Party to improve if it grows in size. If there are more members, they can train more peer hosts and facilitate more virtual and in-person meetups. That being said, The Dinner Party is actively working to train more hosts and reach out to new members.